Don’t tolerate second class behavior! September 20, 2007
Posted by datingacademy in : becoming attractive man, dating advice for women, gaining confidence, setting up dates , add a commentWhat do I mean by “second class behavior” you wonder? Flaking, not returning phone calls, canceling dates repetitively with short notice, being unavailable more often than a reasonable person would, being “busy” all the time and alike are all signs of second class behavior that you have no reasons to tolerate.
Putting up with the above treatment from anyone has a double harmful effect on you: first, it hurst your self-esteem and self respect because when you accept this kind of treatment from another person, you communicate to him / her and to yourself that you don’t deserve any better and that your time and life are not valuable and thus can be “played” with or disregarded with ease; secondly, any dating situation or relationship in which one person treats with the other with lack of basic respect is doomed. Whoever hopes that their partner’s inconsiderate attitude and conduct will change is deceiving themselves. In vast majority of cases it doesn’t, but it only gets worse.
So, don’t waste your time on anyone who doesn’t reciprocate your attention. There is no reason to. Move on without hesitation and pursue relationships with those people whose sense of personal responsibility and respect for your time and life make them worthy potential romantic partners.
The real story on becoming confident! September 20, 2007
Posted by datingacademy in : gaining confidence , add a commentWomen consider confidence to be one of the most attractive qualities in a man. Ask any woman what qualities she finds most appealing in men and what turns her on. Confidence will usually be on the top of her list. Indeed, every step in a man’s pursuit of a romantic partner requires a great deal of confidence on his part. Approaching a woman, kissing a woman for the first time, becoming sexual with a woman and even handling different conflicts in a romantic relationship requires us to be enthusiastic, to get out of our comfort zone, and to pursue things in a proactive manner. Shyness and lack of confidence, on the other hand, impede the ability of many men to have a successful romantic life.
Confidence is indeed a great quality to have. But how does one acquire it? It is a shame that most of the commercially available materials on self-hel and dating are of literally of no help in this crucially important subject. The popular sources suggest that men should simply be confident, they should act confidently, or they should “fake it until they make it.” In other words, most books at your local bookstore suggest an easy way, a quick fix to the fundamental problem in inner psychology – lack of confidence. Few, if any, men find the tricks that these books suggest to be effective. Affirmations and positive self-talk are notoriously ineffective. Acting confident without actually being confident does not really make anybody confident. When a man fakes confidence, the lack of authenticity in his behavior becomes apparent to the outside world very quickly. The awkward bodily movements and lack of congruence between that man’s behavior and his words give away the unstable nature of his sense of self-worth in any situation.
We all learn through our life experiences that achieving real results in any field and acquiring any kind of significant, useful skill is a gradual process that takes time, great effort, patience, and perseverance. There are no easy ways to achieving significant goals. This principle literally pervades any aspect of our lives. Getting an academic degree takes at least four years, unless, of course, you enroll in some on-line college of questionable quality. Building a toned, muscular body takes months or even years of spending long hours at a gym day after day. Surely, taking steroids will bring the desired results much quicker, but the quality of those results will be inferior, not to mention the health detriments that steroid users will suffer from. Learning a foreign language or learning how to play a musical instrument is also a lengthy process that requires great determination on the part of those who wish to acquire those skills. Losing weight also takes a long time if done in a healthy, proper, and natural way.
It is often suggested that a man should feel good about who he is, but it is rarely pointed out that a person actually needs valid reasons to be sure of himself. Such a certainty comes from personal achievements – achievements that reflect on that man’s valuable skills and traits of character. Contrary to the popular view, confidence is not just an easily adjustable mindset that a person can just turn on and off like a switch. Confidence is a skill! It’s an integral part of one’s personality. Like all other worthy qualities, developing confidence requires an investment of effort and time.
The great news is that confidence is a natural side effect of another great quality - the quality of living a great life. Having an interesting, fulfilling, exciting life, filled with short-term and long term goals, which you are excited about and constantly working on, will make you feel like a winner at the end of every day. Setting small goals every day and achieving them at the end of each day will literally make you feel like a fighter on your own personal battlefield – the fighter who achieves another great conquest every time your planned task is completed. Whether you set a goal of running a mile under a certain time, or performing a certain work-out routine, or finishing reading a book or writing a book, or finishing up a work project, or getting involved in a totally unfamiliar and new field to you – set those goals each day and make sure you actually work toward achieving them each and every day. That sense of personal growth, of feeling that you are more, that you can do more or know more at the end of each day than you were at the end of the previous day, will literally transform your life and make you experience a tremendous life satisfaction, while making you feel truly proud of yourself. And as long as you follow this life pattern of setting small goals for each day and being committed to achieving them on a regular basis, you will subconsciously radiate an incredible confidence toward the outside world that will have a real, solid foundation that comes from within. After all, real confidence is nothing else but a manifestation of having a happy, exciting, and fulfilling life.
One specific activity can dramatically boost your confidence – public speaking. Making presentations, conducting interviews, teaching a class and alike will break the imaginary barrier and fear of other people’s reaction to who you are and will prove to you that you are capable of communicating with and relating to strangers and capture their interest through the contents of your presented material as well as through your manner of presentation. The best part is that any kind of public speaking is a fun and exciting activity within itself. Moreover, public speech can actually become one of your exciting daily goals that you set for yourself and enjoy achieving periodically. Sure, speaking in front of strangers can be one scary experience. But getting out of your comfort zone, overcoming anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd of different people while looking them in the eye will become easier and more rewarding every time you do it. This will turn you into a more confident individual, who is comfortable in any new environment.
Confidence is like a muscle that you can and should grow. Like any other bodily muscles, confidence does not grow overnight, but it is sure worth growing, and the rewards of having it justify the efforts that you will invest into it.
Not all eye contact is created equal! September 20, 2007
Posted by datingacademy in : approaching women, gaining confidence, meeting women , add a commentEye contact is the most fundamental, literally primal sign of interest and attention of one human being (and many other living beings) toward another. When the two people’s eye meet, a lot of information is exchanged and many significant impressions are made without the utterance of a single word.
Men use eye contact as key tool of assessing a woman’s interest in them. A woman who looks back at a guy and locks eyes with him is much more likely to be approached by him than the one who tries to avoid eye contact.
Not all eye contact, however, is created equal and I noticed a fascinating phenomenon occuring over and over: HOW a guy makes an eye contact with a woman makes a big difference to her respective interest in him.
Meet Joe - Joe is a shy guy with very little dating experience. He has been told by several people in the past that staring at people in general and at women in particular is inappropriate and even rude, and he truly believes it. Joe is eager to meet a woman. Every time he goes to his local coffee shop to read a book he hopes that he will be able to meet a great girl. As he is reading, every time the door opens, he discreetly lifts his right eyebrow and one way to see who is coming in. If it’s an attractive woman, he continues looking at her without moving his body, raising his head or smiling. Obviously, Joe is trying to hide the fact that he is checking her out. He can’t help but feel guilty about looking at a woman he has never met before. As Jill walks toward the counter and orders her latte, Joe continue staring at her from underneath his book like some kind of stalker, hoping that she will actually notice him and give him a clear and unequivocal sign of attention and an invitation to approach her. This, however, never happens. It’s not part of Jill’s day to actively check her surrounding and see if any guy is looking at her. Like pretty much all other women, Jill doesn’t do that.
Now, meet Tom. Tom also likes reading a good book with a cup of coffee at one of his favorite coffee houses. He settles in comfortably in a chair near a window. A few minutes later Jill comes in. As Tom notices her, he lifts his head and looks at her directly and smiles with curiousity. His attention is direct, obvious and unapologetic. He is not ashamed of his interest; he is proud of it! As a single attractive woman who is interested in meeting a great guy, Jill can’t help but notice and be intrigued by such a pure, uncompromising confidence, and she is compelled to look Tom in the eye and smile back. As Jill continues walking toward the counter to order her latte, Tom, a guy with a great sense of humor, gets off his seat, walks over to Jill and says with a completely straight face: “You know, you really disturbed my reading.” To which Jill responds: “Me, what did I do?” And Tom follows: “Well, I don’t know how any guy could keep reading after seeing a woman with such a great smile and energy as you are… I think I should be compensated for this great pain… any ideas?” Jill bursts out laughing and blushing: “That is so sweet of you … well, perhaps I could get you a cup of tea. Would it make up for it?” Tom: “Hmmm, well only if I have your company… deal?” And they sit down to talk and get to know each other.
Never say this to a woman when you are trying to set up a date! September 20, 2007
Posted by datingacademy in : setting up dates , add a commentSuppose you talk to a girl for the first time after you met her or shortly after. You are trying to set up the time and place for the two of you to meet, but it appears that you can’t quite figure out when both of you are available to see each other.
In that situation, whatever you do, don’t say: “Well, just give me a call and let me know when you are available…. ” NO, NO, NO!!!
You NEVER want to be in a position of waiting for a woman’s call or leaving it up to her to call you. This strategy is a loser for several reasons. First, most girls don’t call unless they are already really into you which is usually rare at the early stages of your interactions with them. Most women naturally want to be assured and reassured that the guy likes them, wants to see them, and puts some work into it. Secondly, if you decide to call after you haven’t heard from her in a while, you are going to feel stupid because… you asked her to call you.
So, if a woman is uncertain about when she is available, instead of saying “call me and let me know,” tell her “ok, I will call you in a few days and see if you figured out your schedule a little better.”
Keep the option and the power of contacting a woman to yourself, and you will be much better off while coming across as a more attractive and confident guy.
Turn the most awkward situations into great ice-breakers! September 20, 2007
Posted by datingacademy in : approaching women, meeting women, starting a conversation , add a commentEver caught yourself staring at a woman and wanting to meet her badly, but didn’t know what to say?
I am just kidding. I really don’t need you to answer this question. I know that you did and more than once, just like all other guys. These situations are tough to handle, and what makes them even worse is the fact that women almost always know that you stare at them soon after you start eyeing them, which turns them off and makes them think of you as an insecure wimp or even worse - a stalker.
The next time you find yourself in such a situation, try this great way of turning things around and meeting that same woman you have been staring at in a very creative way. Go up to her and say with a serious face: “You know (pause), I thought it would be a great idea for me to introduce myself before you call the cops on me for staring at you” and smirk. In other words, making fun of the whole situation will break the ice better than anything else, will diffuse the negative tension, will make that woman laugh, and will open many routes toward a great conversation with her. Indeed, like in many other situations there is no better way to eliminate awkwardness than pointing it out and making fun of it.
Try this technique, execute it in a way that will make you come across as serious at first and funny by the end, and you will be surprised how great it might work for you.